Avoidance is effective in the short term. That’s why it sticks. It gives us immediate relief and helps us get through the moment.
But it teaches us that we need to avoid the things we are afraid of in order to be okay. And this can come at a huge cost if those fears keep us from the things that are important to us.

What we’re going through is heartbreaking, shocking, overwhelming, and traumatic. I wish I could tell you there was some sort of quick fix to help you feel better, but having lived through job loss and been surrounded by others going through it as well, it’s clear that this is a uniquely complex and painful experience… If nothing else, I hope this helps you to name your feelings a bit more clearly.

It may seem unbelievable that anything of value could come from our hard, awful feelings, but they can carry vital information. Our emotions are signposts and trail markers, giving us crucial data about who we are, and what we need, opening up an opportunity to map a better and more authentic course for our lives.

During the day, you have endless distractions — emails, conversations, tasks, deadlines, commutes. Even if you’re stressed, you’re doing. You’re engaged. You’re in motion.

At night? Everything stops — except your thoughts.

Choosing not to define yourself by the problem but seeing it instead as a thing, person or creature that you struggle or wrestle with can be a powerful paradigm shift. Simply put, the less you see the problem as being part of you, the easier it is to resist.

It might sound simplistic. “Don’t jump to conclusions” has become so cliché that it’s easy to dismiss such advice and believe we aren’t susceptible to it. But the reality is we’re all prone to this thought pattern. When we don’t have all the information we need, our minds use past experiences, beliefs, biases and more to fill in the blanks.